The Ghost of Smokey?

I was enjoying a long, leisurely bike ride this morning and taking in all the beautiful fall scenery in my neighborhood, when I turned a corner, and saw something that made me stop in my tracks.

No, it wasn't (really) a ghost. But it was pretty darned close.

Sitting in the driveway of someone's house was a cat that looked so much like my Smokey (who died in July), that I simply couldn't just keep going past it. I had to stop and take a closer look.

At first it looked as if he was afraid and was going to run - but then he just sat down where he was and stared back at me. He was the same size and the exact color as Smokey, with the same ultra plush, dense fur... he had the same beautiful green eyes, and even his nose, ears, whiskers and paws looked like Smokey. He seemed to sense my grief- as momentarily I had forgotten that Smokey is no longer with us - and then tears filled my eyes as I realized it afresh.

I didn't know if he understood me or not, but I told him not to be afraid - I wasn't going to hurt him or take him from his home. I just wanted to look at him for a few moments because he looked "just like my kitty who died - and I miss him so much!" It seemed as if he understood somehow what I was saying...or at least he understood my sorrow. There was only one difference between him and Smokey - aside from the obvious one that he is still alive - and that is that he (unlike Smokey) has a bob tail.

I found myself wondering if I'm the only one this has happened to. I had gone from complete joy for the first few seconds after I saw him - as though I had forgotten instantly that Smokey died -

then to the most complete grief as I realized again that it wasn't really Smokey, but someone else's animal that was staring back at me so knowingly.

The rest of my day was shot as a new cloud of grief hung over me again. Old wounds reopened and now I find myself trying to 'get over it' again. I am thankful for every day I had with him - but I still yearn to pick him up and hold him one more time and to once again wake up with him hogging my pillow - then marching to the kitchen (turning & looking over his shoulder to make sure I was following) for his food. Will this ever end?